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My Favorite @GSElevator Tweets
John LeFevre
March 21, 2023
I started the Twitter account, @GSElevator, as a joke in a bar.
At the time, Occupy Wall Street was in full swing; hostility toward Wall Street and the ruling elites was rampant.
The premise was pretty simply: If people were this angry, imagine how they’d feel if they actually had a clue what Wall Street was really like in terms of the deviance, corruption, and flippant disregard for money and (even) basic human decency.
It was satire, but it rang true - authentically illuminating a culture with humor and substance.
While I’ve long since retired the character, having used it as a platform to publish a bestselling book about my experience on Wall Street (working in New York, London, Hong Kong, and Singapore from the dot-com crash through the Great Financial Crisis), the voice remains as relevant as ever.
As such, I thought I’d share a selection of my favorite tweets:
#1: Watching how someone behaves at an open bar tells you everything you need to know about them.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
5:58 PM • Feb 1, 2015
“Hot girls will never know if they are actually interesting or not."
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
5:05 AM • May 13, 2014
#1: Relationships are like a seesaw. If one of you gets too bored or too fat, the fun is over.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
6:53 PM • Apr 16, 2013
#1: How easily someone is offended is directly proportional to how stupid they are.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
11:41 PM • Jul 12, 2013
#1: Flowers and an apology are a lot easier than actually changing.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
1:26 AM • Aug 28, 2013
#1: Getting rich isn't hard. Any hot girl with questionable morals can do it.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
8:13 PM • Jul 17, 2013
#1: The fact that most people are too stupid to know how dumb they really are is the fabric holding our society together.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
5:21 AM • Jul 7, 2014
#1: If you abstain from smoking, drinking, and using drugs, you don't actually live longer. It just seems longer.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
10:50 PM • Jul 27, 2013
#1: 'Just be yourself' is good advice to probably 5% of people.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
2:58 AM • Oct 19, 2013
#1: If riding the bus doesn't incentivize you to improve your station in life, nothing will.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
2:32 AM • Jul 6, 2013
#1: If I only wanted one drink, I'd go for communion.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
12:03 AM • Sep 10, 2013
#1: Don't get married until you're at least 35. You want a Trophy wife not a Participation Medal wife.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
9:34 PM • Sep 16, 2014
#1: Hermes ties are like Air Jordans for white people.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
12:55 AM • Jun 11, 2013
#1: Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
5:46 AM • Jun 10, 2014
"Talent is the only thing that stands between most people and their dreams."
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
7:45 PM • Jul 5, 2014
#1: Most people wouldn't even be the main character in a movie about their own lives.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
9:24 AM • Aug 19, 2013
“I’m an 8 in a suit, a 5 without a shirt on, but a 10 with my card behind the bar."
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
9:54 PM • Dec 1, 2014
"If we don't sin, Jesus died for nothing."
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
3:24 PM • Jul 6, 2014
#1: I never said I was better than anyone, just more successful.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
6:38 PM • Apr 7, 2013
#1: In life, as in sports, the boos always come from the cheap seats.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
8:25 PM • Sep 5, 2013
#1: I start every cell conversation with 'my phone's about to die' so they don't waste my time.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
2:51 AM • Sep 19, 2013
#1: I'd rather be me now, than have been the quarterback in high school.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
1:50 AM • Aug 22, 2013
#1: I'd marry for money. And I already have money.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
4:14 PM • Oct 3, 2012
#1: Insider trading is like pissing in the pool. It sounds dirty, but really isn't that big a deal.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
12:20 AM • Jan 18, 2013
#1: If she thinks fellatio is a Shakespearean protagonist, I don't know if I should cut my losses or go all-in.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
11:37 PM • Sep 27, 2013
#1: Each comma in your bank account adds an inch to your dick.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
6:45 PM • Aug 29, 2012
#1: Not only did I forget her name in the morning, I forgot what I told her my name was too.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
9:36 PM • Dec 4, 2014
#1: As a society, we’re actually smarter than ever. It’s just that technology has given a voice to the unsophisticated masses.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
10:36 PM • Aug 23, 2014
#1: Checking your phone after someone else pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
11:36 PM • Jun 29, 2014
#1: Some chick asked me what I would do with 10 million bucks. I told her I'd wonder where the rest of my money went.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
6:45 AM • Nov 12, 2013
#1: When I hear, 'Got a minute?' I know I'm about to lose a half hour of my life that I can never get back.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
5:59 PM • Oct 22, 2013
#1: For people who believe everything happens for a reason, that reason is that they're idiots who make shitty decisions.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
7:32 PM • Aug 1, 2013
#1: If my wife offers me a blowjob, I know it's time to check my Amex statement.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
2:45 AM • Mar 11, 2014
#1: I never give money to homeless people. I can't reward failure in good conscience.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
12:51 PM • Aug 8, 2012
#1: Why would I marry? It's betting some chick half my net worth that I will love her forever.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
3:31 AM • May 4, 2013
#1: Some people assume I am quiet, boring, or shy, without ever realizing that I just don't like them.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
5:20 AM • Jun 17, 2014
#1: Whenever someone asks how I'm doing, I usually just lie and say 'good', even though I'm doing a lot better than that.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
2:37 AM • Aug 7, 2014
#1: If your bachelor party revolves around a big steak dinner and a strip club, count me out. I did that last night.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
1:34 PM • Jan 14, 2014
#1: I leave the Hamptons on Sundays so that my family doesn't have to.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
2:10 AM • Aug 18, 2014
#1: Can we please stop calling them hipsters and go back to calling them pussies?
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
2:53 AM • Aug 12, 2013
#1: A guy came up to me at the gym and asked me what event I was training so hard for. Life, motherfucker.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
10:41 PM • Apr 25, 2012
#1: If I get a message with a typo, I'll analyze the letter placement on the keyboard to assess if it's justified or not.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
3:05 AM • Apr 6, 2014
“You should have to earn access to the 'Reply All’ function on email."
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
9:35 PM • Aug 19, 2014
#1: My 7 is your 9, bro.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
1:13 AM • Nov 20, 2013
#1: If I had a time machine, I probably wouldn't even use it.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
2:24 AM • Dec 16, 2012
#1: If there's a hot chick behind me at the ATM, I'll always leave my receipt in the machine so she can see the balance.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
8:42 PM • Mar 11, 2013
#1: The only thing more impressive than my accomplishments is my résumé.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
9:16 PM • Mar 23, 2013
#1: It's a no brainer. I'd trade my 80s to have more fun in my 20s.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
11:16 PM • Feb 9, 2013
#1: If someone asks you a question and you don't know the answer, belittle them. It's better to be an asshole than stupid.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
8:38 PM • Apr 20, 2013
#1: Don't apologize for being late with a Starbucks latte in your hand.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
8:51 PM • Dec 19, 2013
#1: Almost time for children to learn a valuable life lesson. Santa loves rich kids more.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
7:23 PM • Dec 3, 2012
[resend in honor of the protesters outside] #1: My garbage disposal eats better than 98% of the world. #occupywallstreet
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
5:55 PM • Oct 7, 2011
#1: If you can only be good at one thing, be good at lying… Because if you're good at lying, you're good at everything.
— GSElevator (@GSElevator)
2:56 AM • Jul 26, 2013
John LeFevre is the creator of @GSElevator and the author of the New York Times bestselling book, Amazon Book of the Month, and TIME Book of the summer, Straight To Hell: True Tales of Deviance, Debauchery, And Billion-Dollar Deals.